This Is What True Love Is, or: Don’t Say I Never Did Anything For You, Kids

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True love is setting your microwave timer for 2:30 pm, which is about half an hour before your kids are due to step off the bus. True love is having nightmares in your feverish delirium until then that you’ve missed the bus after you told your husband you would manage to do this one thing so that he could get a little extra work done after solo-parenting for two days. True love is scraping yourself off the couch when the timer goes off even though your head is about to explode and flames are licking at your innards. True love is crawling upstairs to the bathroom, washing your face, brushing your teeth, and even putting on a lick of makeup so as not to humiliate your children/scare the other neighbors and their children, who will also be stepping off the bus, with your ghoulish appearance.

Welcome home, kids. That’s about all the love I can muster for today. I’m going back to bed now.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend.

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