For some reason everyone is focusing on the presidential elections. I have far bigger fish to fry.

Tooth Fairy, we’ve noticed a precipitous decline in the level of service we’ve received from you over the years. When our oldest son began losing his teeth, we could count on you to unfailingly fulfill your duty in a prompt and efficient manner. With our second child, while you did not have a perfect track record, we could generally trust that you would complete the required tooth for dollar transaction in a timely fashion. With our third child, you have repeatedly exhibited gross negligence in regard to your one duty.

You have been delinquent almost every single time our daughter has lost a tooth. Again and again, the shameful scene repeats itself. My daughter trudges downstairs the morning after losing a tooth and reports, without any surprise at all, that you have forgotten to come yet again. Even when she tapes a reminder note to her bedroom door, you still manage to drop the ball.

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I understand that you have many clients in your purview. I’m sure you’re overworked, underpaid, blah blah blah.  Yes, you eventually come through:

But I’m writing to let you know that we are putting you on notice. Could President Obama have kept his job had he abrogated his responsibilities in this reckless and irresponsible fashion? I think not! This dereliction of duty cannot continue without consequence. You’ve been warned.

Sincerely,

Adrienne